i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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