I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
