1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
