He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
