Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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