I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
