Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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