Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
