Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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