I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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