Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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