Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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