I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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