Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
