Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
