Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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