woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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