i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize