dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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