im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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