what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
