If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
