she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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