someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
