i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's blow job season.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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