She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.