All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.