Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Found the puke drawer
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.