Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
