At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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