i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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