C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
