1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize