I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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