yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
