dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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