the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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