I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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