he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
