You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
