no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize