you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
