John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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