I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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