Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
