He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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