ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
