You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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