Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
