You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
