fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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