I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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