so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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