What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Randomize
