we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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