At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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