you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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