She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
