i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
