your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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