dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is Oprah even human
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize