a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
