i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
