Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
