i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
