I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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