You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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